雅思写作考官Simon满分范文解析

前雅思写作考官知名雅思博客ielts simon 的创始人多年雅思写作教学经验,考雅思的小朋友都认识他哈,本文将分析他的一篇范文,看9分文章好在哪里?

 

雅思写作考官Simon满分范文解析图1

 

范文分析:

Some people believe that school children should not be given homework by their teachers, whereas others argue that homework plays an important role in the education of children. Discuss both of these views and give your own opinion.

Step1: 审题:

题目有两个部分:老师不应该给学生留作业,留作业很重要=应该留

对应Task Response 元素1 :

Task response 5分: 只回答上面的1个问题

Task response 6分: 回答了两个问题

换句话说, 只要你写2个body 段落, 回答了两个问题, Task Response 1/3 的分数就拿到了

Step2: 确定自己的观点, 并且简单解释观点

对应Task Response 元素2: Give your opinion clearly

你需要在开头或者结尾给出自己的观点

你需要解释为什么你有这个观点, 可以是一句话, 比如下面范文写的

In conclusion, homework certainly has its drawbacks, but I believe that the benefits outweigh them in the long term.

“长期来讲, 有好处” 就是在解释自己的观点

Step3: Planning !!! 写作之前计划很重要!

Planning 每个段落大意

几个理由, 每个理由是怎样展开论证的

比如:

Body 1: 留作业不好

原因1: 留作业不会提高学习成绩

展开-直接举例子:芬兰的学校不留作业, 比留作业的学校, 学生成绩好

所以,大家看到, 这个和我们课程里面学的“举例子模版” 一模一样

第1句: a-c 论证原因

第2句: 直接举例子, 支持原因

只不过,由于我们为了确保高分, 用了高级别的句子结构, 强调句, 而且每次都用固定的句子结构, 避免出现语法错误

Task Response 元素3:

sufficiently extend your ideas (8分)

generally extend your ideas (7分)

sometimes inadequately explain your ideas (6分)

下面为大家具体分析 以上3个元素:

1.给出清晰观点

2.解释观点

3.具体展开论证-注意逻辑!

People’s opinions differ as to whether or not school children should be given homework. While there are some strong arguments against the setting of homework, I still believe that it is a necessary aspect of education(提出自己的观点).

There are several reasons why people might argue that homework is an unnecessary burden on children (概括本段大意). Firstly, there is evidence to support the idea that homework does nothing to improve educational outcomes (第1个原因:不会提高成绩). Countries such as Finland, where school children are not given homework, regularly top international educational league tables and outperform nations where setting homework is the norm(举例子论证: improve educational outcomes 和 outperform 对应!我们课程里面重点讲解了举例子的时候, 例子和原因之间核心词的对应!不清楚的同学, 请回到Lesson 4 复习!). Secondly, many parents would agree that the school day is already long enough, and leaves their children too tired to do further study when they return home (第2个原因:太累了-导致回家以后不想学习). Finally, it is recognised that play time is just as beneficial as study time from the perspective of brain development(第3个原因:Play 很重要,对于大脑发展好).

注意:

大家看到第2和第3个原因, 没有具体展开, 虽然这个是满分的文章,我个人不建议大家这样写, 最好一个观点写2句话,深入展开, 保持原因1和原因2, 论证字数,详细度的平衡,更容易确保高分, 因为压分很讨厌!

第2个原因修改:

Secondly, many parents would agree that the school day is already long enough, and this leaves their children too tired to do further study when they return home. As a result, doing homework may fail to help students review knowledge, or help teachers assess their learning. /

或者 neither nor will fail to .., nor help ..

In spite of the above arguments, I support the view that homework has an important role to play in the schooling of children(虽然上面说的很好,还是认为应该留作业-和我们讲解的让步反驳结构很像).The main benefit of homework is that it encourages independent learning and problem solving (原因1: 提高独立思考和问题解决能力), as children are challenged to work through tasks alone and at their own pace(具体原因: 因为学生必须自己完成作业并且完成作业的过程中会觉得自己被挑战)(逻辑链: 独立完成+被挑战-应用课堂里面学习的知识-提高独立学习和思考能力. 用ABC词组的类似逻辑,具体展开论证1个观点). In doing so, students must apply the knowledge that they have learnt in the classroom( 原因2: 承接上面的观点1, 为了做作业, 学生还必须应用课堂里面的知识). For example, by doing mathematics exercises at home, students consolidate their understanding of the concepts taught by their teacher at school (举例子: 数学). In my view, it is important for children to develop an independent study habit because this prepares them to work alone as adults .

整段结构:

第1句: 自己的观点

第2句:原因1 -解释原因1

第3句:原因2 in doing so 开始 原因2

第4句:解释原因2

第5句:重新说自己的观点

和我们讲解的结构基本一样 。

我们的写作结构, 没有第5句

我们的词汇水平,不可能想出来那么多替换词,

想错了,就会完蛋..所以,我们才会省略哈

In conclusion, homework certainly has its drawbacks, but I believe that the benefits outweigh them in the long term (重新阐明观点-写作业对于 long term 是好的).

(270 words, band 9)

他在结尾用了long term 好处来替代Body 2 的主要观点, 因为 body 2 说了成年以后的好处。

我们很多同学, 达不到这个功力,不到好想到这样概括

所以,直接概括Body2的两个原因就可以

e.g. 可以帮助学生独立思考以及未来处理问题

现在,我们再来看下范文, 有没有发现,全篇文章没有1个生词?

但是没有1个语法错误?

所有观点都用了2个句子 大概40-50字来展开说明?

所以,词汇不重要!

所以,词汇不重要!

所以,词汇不重要!

不要再抱着某些写作词汇书,

不停的背那些永远都不知道怎么用的高大上词汇啦!

清晰论证+没有语法错误才是王道!


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